Earlier this month,
I wrote about a few experiences
that I call life changing.
That has been
an interesting experience. It's made me think deeply about my life,
about difficult times,
and ways I'm different
because of what I've been through.
It has also caused me to
reflect on the whole concept of change...
...and the things I've learned from change
and because of change.
I thought it might be good to put my thoughts about change into words. So here are my conclusions:
10 Things I've Learned About Change
Learn to look forward, not back. Be open to new experiences and new opportunities. .
Take charge. Instead of fighting change, create a new normal...one you choose to create.
Some change comes because we decide we want to be different. Other changes are thrust upon us because of life's experiences. Be ready for both. .
If you are trying to make specific changes, decide what the changes are and how to measure your progress. Then acknowledge that progress with a big high five! .
Learn to be content and happy wherever you are. .
Make changes because they are right, not because someone thinks you should. But at the same time, learn to listen. Great advice can come from unexpected places. .
Prepare yourself for change. If you see a new time of life ahead, find ways to welcome and embrace it. .
Find the story in it. Write it down. Figure out what you are learning and how you are growing from the whole experience. .
Be willing to share your experiences and what you've learned with others. .
No experience is ever wasted. Life's experiences create us and mold us into who we will become. And we are always becoming.
.
What have your life's experiences taught you about change?
There was a road, a mountain road in a winter canyon
leading to a cabin
where a little fire was burning.
And on that road
there were some cars, some happy cars filled with laughing girls
heading to that cabin
where a little fire was burning.
And on that mountain
it started to snow.
A heavy snow, a blinding snow on slushy roads
which now were really slippery.
And in those cars,
there were some leaders, some worried leaders and some quiet girls
who all were now not laughing.
And in those cars,
those worried leaders saw other cars slide off that road
where they now too were slipping.
So on that mountain,
those anxious leaders, turned their sliding cars with their frightened girls
away from that cabin
where the little fire was burning.
And down the mountain
those sliding cars
with their frightened girls
inched toward their homes where worried parents were waiting.
But two of those cars, those sliding cars got stuck on the ice,
that black black ice,
where no one now was moving.
And near that road,
that slippery road,
there was a river,
in a rocky ravine toward which those cars were veering.
Then in those cars,
a frightened girl, a faithful girl said to her crying friends,
"Now we must start praying."
So on that mountain,
good praying girls
asked their God in heaven, to keep them safe
on this road where it was snowing.
When to the car
there came a man,
a kind-hearted man,
who called to the leaders, "Is there a way I can be helping?"
And so that man,
he took those girls, those frightened girls into his van
and down the mountain went driving.
And more kind men,
in their big big trucks,
drove more crying girls
to meet their friends who now were safely waiting.
So now at home
those grateful girls
with their thankful leaders are once more safe, and everyone now is laughing!
Thank you men, you kind, kind men, who stopped to help some frightened girls on a mountain road where it was really snowing! .
I was talking with a lady today who was upset.
She feels like
the youth of today
have lost their manners.
She was quite opinionated
about how they have become
rude, and self-centered,
and disrespectful.
I have to disagree. .
As a youth leader
for the teenage girls
ages 12-13 in my Church group, I have to say that they are some of the best yet.
They are good and kind
and aware of the
needs of the girls around them.
One of our girls
just lost her mother to cancer.
It's been a hard thing
for a long time.
But the other girls in our group have rallied around her and made her feel loved.
And then there's one of the older girls, who
was in a gas station
with her mom one day.
Her mom gave her
some money to go inside
and buy some candy.
As she was waiting in line, she noticed that a handicapped young man
ahead of her was very upset
because he didn't have
enough money
to pay for his items.
This girl put her candy back,
and stepped up to give her money to him.
She just said it made her
feel really good inside.
______________
I know this world
has its challenges.
And there are lots
of troubled teens who
show their angst
in desperate behavior.
I've seen that too.
But I choose to believe that there are many more good kids than bad, and these wonderful young people are going to grow up to really make a difference!
_______________________
I hope you'll take a minute
to watch this video.
I don't know the girls in it,
but I'm so impressed.
As a Christian, I've made covenants to be my brother's keeper.
But it was on a trip to Central America last year that I think I really began to understand what that might mean.
'D' and 'A' and I joined a medical group last year on a humanitarian service expedition to Guatemala, and then later to El Salvador.
We worked long, long days treating patients who did not have the means to have these treatments done on their own.
We treated patients who had never seen a doctor or dentist in their lives.
We saw poverty and need like I've never seen it before.
We met people who have nothing. They do without cars, and carpet, and televisions. They have no refrigerators, or dishwashers, or even running water. All the luxuries--and necessities-- that I consider a basic and normal part of my life, they can't even imagine.
They are humble and beautiful and gracious and kind.
I wrote once before about how I felt and what I thought I should do about it. Please read that post to get the whole story.
As I said before, I have struggled since I came home. I hear that's kind-of normal.
It's hard to reconcile having so much when you see those that have so little.
In the past several months, I've pondered this a lot. And I think it's changed me and will continue to change me for a long time.
I've also found that experiences like this are only life-changing if you allow them to be.
I certainly came home changed emotionally. But it's really easy to be back here and get very used to my lifestyle and old habits and ways of doing things.
Nothing will be different unless I make a conscious effort to be different.
I've narrowed it down to a few things I'm trying to focus on. .
Simplify. I really don't need it all, although I don't need to get rid of it all either. But I can simplify my possessions, and my time, and focus on what's most important. .
.Service. This quote describes it best for me: "God does notice us, and he watches over us. But it is usually through another person that he meets our needs." Spencer W. Kimball .
Stewardship. It was such a great experience to serve and give all day long, every day. That was part of the magic of the trip. And I liked the person I was while I was there. I decided I can bring that feeling home and try to be that person here-- within my responsibilities and relationships at home.
I guess it boils down to this.
I am different. And I hope I will never be the same.
___________________________
Have you ever had an experience that you knew could change you if you just worked hard enough to make the changes last?
This is one of my favorite photos of all time. It reminds of my three sweet babies... who aren't babies anymore. It also reminds me of some of the best advice I've ever received.
Advice about change.
I remember shortly after that tiny baby in the photo was born, I was talking to a friend.
I must have been lamenting the fact that I just couldn't seem to get a handle on life now that this new little person was added to the mix.
I moaned, "Oh I just can't wait for everything to get back to normal!" She just looked at me.
And then with her mother of teenagers' wisdom, she said, "You AREN'T going to get back to normal. You are going to create a new normal."
A NEW NORMAL.
She was right. I was fighting change, instead of embracing it.
As much as I loved this tiny little baby, he was messing up my schedule. I needed to create a new one! _____________________
My friend's advice has come in handy so many times since then.
When I'm dragging my heels into a new life situation, when I'm wanting to hang on to the old way of doing things, I remember, "I need to create a new normal."
I'm using it right now... as I create a new normal that includes elderly parents-in-law who aren't able to drive anymore.
And I will use it again in a few months, when my new normal will mean an empty nest.
.
.
_____________________
. Have you ever received a bit of wise advice that has changed your life? .
Yesterday, I told you I was going to tell you the one about a trip.
But I'm going to save that one for later. Today I'm telling you the one I heard on the radio.
This life changing moment happened nearly thirty years ago.
My family lived in Idaho, and I was going to college in Utah. I had a REALLY hard time making up my mind about what to major in.
I got my Associates' from Ricks College in General Ed because I couldn't make a decision. (Yes, you CAN do that.)
Then I went to BYU and floundered. I met this really cute boy (he ended up being a loser) who convinced me that the majors I liked (Humanities, English, Writing) were pointless and what I should really major in was Business.
Fine for him... but I did not have a head for Business. However, he was cute, and I thought I was in love. So Fall Semester came along and I signed up for Accounting. All because of him.
By the time the Semester started, he had moved on--he stopped calling me, dating me, anything to do with me.
And there I was, stuck in Accounting.
By the end of that semester, I was a depressed mess. And I knew that I should never major in Business.
After the Christmas break, I was headed back to Utah, listening to the car radio. An advertisement came on the radio about a school for dental assistants. I remember turning up the radio and listening intently to every detail. And just like that, I knew-- that's what I was going to do. I was going to be a Dental Assistant.
In that one life changing moment, everything changed.
And here's what happened next. .
.
I did go to school to be a dental assistant. And I loved it! I never knew that I would enjoy health care, but I was fascinated. School all of a sudden was easy for me, and I enjoyed every minute. And health care became one of the passions of my life. .
One of my church leaders was a doctor. He knew an oral surgeon who was hiring an assistant. Even before I was out of school, I got the job, and did all of my internship hours right there in his office. They taught me oral surgery on the job, and suddenly, I became an oral surgeon's assistant!
The nurse anesthetist at the office said to me one day, "My daughter is dating this boy and it's just not working out. If I can't have him for my son-in-law, I want you to have him. Would you go on a blind date with him?" I said, "Sure." The rest is, you know, history. That boy was D--and I married him two years later. .
I worked for the oral surgeon until I started having babies. Then I became a stay-at-home mother. Eighteen years later, I took my daughter to that same oral surgeon to get her wisdom teeth out. While I was there, they said, "One of the girls is going to have a baby. Would you like to come to work part time a couple of days a week?" Wow. I hadn't worked as an assistant for nearly twenty years! But my kids were teenagers, and the time seemed right, so I said yes--and I did it. I was amazed how fast it all came back to me. And suddenly, all over again, I became an oral surgeon's assistant!
I worked for about four more years just a couple of days a week until my doctor decided to retire. About a year later, I got a call from him one day. "I'm going on a humanitarian service expedition to Guatemala. I need an assistant. Do you want to go?" This was one of my lifetime dreams. Of course I wanted to go! And I did--giving me one more great story for another day...
_________________________
You see? One life changing moment after another. And it all started when I heard it on the radio.
___________________________
I've still got one about a trip, and one about a new baby. Check back tomorrow to see what one I'll tell next!
.
A few years ago, I received a package in the mail
from a new friend
who worked for a
local publishing company.
Inside was a book
and a letter that invited me
to participate in a very novel experiment.
The instructions for the experiment
were contained in the book,
and at the end of it,
all the participants would meet together
with the author
to discuss our experiences. I was intrigued.
I opened the book to learn more
and from the get-go
I felt like I had found
something that would change my life.
A Heart Like His by Virginia Pearce: What is the experiment all about?
As the introduction to the book states:
The love of God truly is the most joyous and delicious thing we can experience on this earth. It is so good that when we are filled with it, we are consumed with a desire that others should feel it too.
But experiencing God's love can be an elusive thing. Though we believe that His love is constant and unchanging, we seem unable as mortals to consistently feel it. And if we can't feel it, we are unable to help others feel it.
This book is meant to help the reader explore and experiment with the simple concept of opening her heart--simply making space for the Lord and others. Because this experiment is more about becoming than doing, it is simple, doesn't consume time, actually creates energy, and is therefore self-perpetuating.
The Experiment:
I will be more aware of the condition of my heart, and with that awareness, seek to keep it more open toward others.
I will do this in the normal course of my life, in other words, not feel pressured to put any extra activities into my day--no extra visit, casseroles, etc.
I will notice the way I feel and be willing to honestly report what happened or didn't happen.
A few guidelines:
Observe the physical/emotional/spiritual response of your heart, independent of your words or actions.
Think of your own metaphor for an open heart and a closed heart.
Observe your physical approach to people. What is your body language saying?
Take the initiative to get outside yourself and express an interest in those you encounter. Pray for the courage to do so.
MY EXPERIMENT:
I began by taking notice of the state of my heart. I noticed two things.
One--my heart felt tight and tense. My weakness is that I get myself too busy, always in a hurry, never time to notice people or things around me. That's how my heart felt, uptight and busy.
Two--my heart felt like a peach pit with a hard shriveled wall protecting the soft inside.
Why in the world did I have such a hard heart? It took me a little thought to get to the bottom of it. But at the time, we were dealing with a very difficult teenage child. Over and over again, we faced oh-so-hard situations with this child that just hurt too much. I figured out that over time, it had become easier and safer to have a hard heart--it just didn't hurt so much.
So my first challenge was to slow down and quit racing around so that I could see and feel the people around me. And my biggest challenge was to open my heart to this child who I loved so much, but who was causing me such heartache.
______________
It took a little practice to get the feel of having an open heart. It wasn't natural or easy at first. I had to physically picture my heart softening and opening. It also helped to picture myself sharing the love of God with others through my actions. It actually was a very physical thing, this open-heart experiment.
I started to notice in my day-to-day activities that opportunities were there to have an open heart all the time. It seemed easiest with strangers--like in the store, or at the doctor's office, or even in traffic. It just took a minute to smile, or say a kind word, or to let someone go first in traffic. There were opportunities in my neighborhood to stop...and listen. There were always opportunities to stop rushing around, to slow down, and to find little ways to serve the people around me.
Often I would forget and have to really concentrate on being open-hearted--like when I was behind someone in a long line at the store who was returning multiple items, or waiting for a cashier who moved so-so-so-slowly. I had to consciously make an effort to reach out to them with my heart and try to imagine how they were feeling--and to find a way to say or do something to be kind.
It was much more difficult to open my heart to my own child than it was to any stranger. When you open your heart to a stranger, you are kind and you try to help them feel love by your actions. But you really don't risk anything.
Opening your heart to someone close makes you much more vulnerable. You really take a risk, because you don't know what they'll do to that exposed heart. But I decided it was worth the risk. I really had to work at it, and it was definitely a process--not an event.
I repeatedly went through the exercise of imagining my heart opening and softening--often I used that image of a peach pit, and pictured opening it up to reveal that soft inner part--the part that grows.
Reporting:
After a month of experimenting, we gathered at the publisher's office to meet with the author and discuss what I began to call our open heart experiences.There were about fifteen women of all ages and walks of life and we went around the circle, each sharing her feelings about the experiment.
What tender stories we shared. And the consensus was this--our hearts were changed. We were softer, more open, more warm, more peaceful.
Invariably, each woman found that it was hardest to have an open heart with someone in her life who was causing her pain or sadness. There were all sorts of difficult relationships: an aging mother-in-law, many struggling and wayward children, distant parents, ex-spouses. We all found that it was much easier to be open-hearted with strangers than it was with them.
But it was so interesting to hear the stories. What amazing things happened when we opened our hearts to them. Relationships were strengthened, communication improved, fences were mended. It was beautiful.
For me, I believe that what got me through the difficult years with my child were my efforts to have an open heart. The child knew that home was safe, and that I was always there, and I never stopped loving.
Now all these years later, we have a great relationship. This child got through those horrible years and came out on the other side as a wonderful, well-adjusted adult.
And I came through on the other side with an intact heart, softened by the whole experience, instead of hardened and bitter about it all.
I truly am changed, but I always have to work at it. My weakness is still getting myself too busy. It's not a natural easy thing for me to be open-hearted.
But each time I re-read this wonderful book, I'm reminded that having an open heart is how I want to be. And I'm determined to keep trying.
__________________________________
Tomorrow's life-changing moment is about a trip. Hope to see you then!
I have been thinking lately about life changing moments. .
You know the kind I mean... that exact moment,
or the end of an experience,
when you know
that from then on,
you will never be the same. I've had a few of those experiences.
They don't come often.
But when they do come,
they profoundly impact the rest of your life.
Life changing moments can be amazing.
And they can also
be painful sometimes...
because you know how we are. We don't like change.
But I believe that there is something good to be gained from every change...
even (or especially)
when it is painful.
I guess it's all in the way we look at it.
Do we allow the experience to soften us,
to make us humble,
and cause us to reach out to God?
Or do we grow hard and bitter,
and ask, "Why me?"...
and turn our backs on Him?
_______________________
What do you think? Have you had moments in your life that were life changing?
Did you embrace it... or fight it tooth and nail? .
_______________________________
Over the next few days, I'm going to tell you some of my life changing moments.
The first one has to do with a book, the second witha trip, and the third with a tiny baby.
I hope you'll come back to find out what it's all about! . .
_________________
Update: Click here to read the one I heard on the radio.
