LIFE CHANGING MOMENT #1...
.
A few years ago,
I received a package in the mail
from a new friend
who worked for a
local publishing company.
Inside was a book
and a letter that invited me
to participate in a
very novel experiment.
The instructions for the experiment
were contained in the book,
and at the end of it,
all the participants would meet together
with the author
to discuss our experiences.
I was intrigued.
I opened the book to learn more
and from the get-go
I felt like I had found
something that would change my life.
A Heart Like His by Virginia Pearce:
What is the experiment all about?
As the introduction to the book states:
The love of God truly is the most joyous and delicious thing we can experience on this earth. It is so good that when we are filled with it, we are consumed with a desire that others should feel it too.
But experiencing God's love can be an elusive thing. Though we believe that His love is constant and unchanging, we seem unable as mortals to consistently feel it. And if we can't feel it, we are unable to help others feel it.
This book is meant to help the reader explore and experiment with the simple concept of opening her heart--simply making space for the Lord and others. Because this experiment is more about becoming than doing, it is simple, doesn't consume time, actually creates energy, and is therefore self-perpetuating.
The Experiment:
- I will be more aware of the condition of my heart, and with that awareness, seek to keep it more open toward others.
- I will do this in the normal course of my life, in other words, not feel pressured to put any extra activities into my day--no extra visit, casseroles, etc.
- I will notice the way I feel and be willing to honestly report what happened or didn't happen.
- Observe the physical/emotional/spiritual response of your heart, independent of your words or actions.
- Think of your own metaphor for an open heart and a closed heart.
- Observe your physical approach to people. What is your body language saying?
- Take the initiative to get outside yourself and express an interest in those you encounter. Pray for the courage to do so.
MY EXPERIMENT:
I began by taking notice of the state of my heart. I noticed two things.
- One--my heart felt tight and tense. My weakness is that I get myself too busy, always in a hurry, never time to notice people or things around me. That's how my heart felt, uptight and busy.
- Two--my heart felt like a peach pit with a hard shriveled wall protecting the soft inside.
Why in the world did I have such a hard heart?
It took me a little thought to get to the bottom of it. But at the time, we were dealing with a very difficult teenage child. Over and over again, we faced oh-so-hard situations with this child that just hurt too much. I figured out that over time, it had become easier and safer to have a hard heart--it just didn't hurt so much.
So my first challenge was to slow down and quit racing around so that I could see and feel the people around me. And my biggest challenge was to open my heart to this child who I loved so much, but who was causing me such heartache.
______________
It took a little practice to get the feel of having an open heart. It wasn't natural or easy at first. I had to physically picture my heart softening and opening. It also helped to picture myself sharing the love of God with others through my actions. It actually was a very physical thing, this open-heart experiment.
I started to notice in my day-to-day activities that opportunities were there to have an open heart all the time. It seemed easiest with strangers--like in the store, or at the doctor's office, or even in traffic. It just took a minute to smile, or say a kind word, or to let someone go first in traffic. There were opportunities in my neighborhood to stop...and listen. There were always opportunities to stop rushing around, to slow down, and to find little ways to serve the people around me.
Often I would forget and have to really concentrate on being open-hearted--like when I was behind someone in a long line at the store who was returning multiple items, or waiting for a cashier who moved so-so-so-slowly. I had to consciously make an effort to reach out to them with my heart and try to imagine how they were feeling--and to find a way to say or do something to be kind.
It was much more difficult to open my heart to my own child than it was to any stranger. When you open your heart to a stranger, you are kind and you try to help them feel love by your actions. But you really don't risk anything.
Opening your heart to someone close makes you much more vulnerable. You really take a risk, because you don't know what they'll do to that exposed heart. But I decided it was worth the risk. I really had to work at it, and it was definitely a process--not an event.
I repeatedly went through the exercise of imagining my heart opening and softening--often I used that image of a peach pit, and pictured opening it up to reveal that soft inner part--the part that grows.
Reporting:
After a month of experimenting, we gathered at the publisher's office to meet with the author and discuss what I began to call our open heart experiences.There were about fifteen women of all ages and walks of life and we went around the circle, each sharing her feelings about the experiment.
What tender stories we shared. And the consensus was this--our hearts were changed. We were softer, more open, more warm, more peaceful.
Invariably, each woman found that it was hardest to have an open heart with someone in her life who was causing her pain or sadness. There were all sorts of difficult relationships: an aging mother-in-law, many struggling and wayward children, distant parents, ex-spouses. We all found that it was much easier to be open-hearted with strangers than it was with them.
But it was so interesting to hear the stories. What amazing things happened when we opened our hearts to them. Relationships were strengthened, communication improved, fences were mended. It was beautiful.
For me, I believe that what got me through the difficult years with my child were my efforts to have an open heart. The child knew that home was safe, and that I was always there, and I never stopped loving.
Now all these years later, we have a great relationship. This child got through those horrible years and came out on the other side as a wonderful, well-adjusted adult.
And I came through on the other side with an intact heart, softened by the whole experience, instead of hardened and bitter about it all.
I truly am changed, but I always have to work at it. My weakness is still getting myself too busy. It's not a natural easy thing for me to be open-hearted.
But each time I re-read this wonderful book, I'm reminded that having an open heart is how I want to be. And I'm determined to keep trying.
__________________________________
Tomorrow's
life-changing moment
is about a trip.
Hope to see you then!
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